5 Myths About Relationship and Love (continued)
4. Marriage is Forever:
I would be the first to say that I wished with all my heart for this to be true after one divorce and one pending. I would be the first to say that I thought marriage was forever. In fact I thought this so much that I got married twice. In both cases it did not last forever and the facts are that most don't, like about fifty percent of them. To believe this myth is crazy thinking when one knows that factually marriages break up all the time, minute by minute, all the time, year in and year out. Believing this myth keeps us in relationships that are not good for us and in fact I can vouch for that. Without telling my story I know first hand the disappointment one feels when a marriage ends and one goes into it with the forever myth.
5. People Change: This is my favorite myth. We think even after we have seen the writing on the wall that the person is going to change or worse yet that we will change him or her. We can make that person more social, dress more presentable, act nice or even clean their bodies better. We can get this man we like or love to not place his dirty undies on the beautiful pony hair chairs if we tell him not to do it. The reality is that they do it again and again and the behavior doesn't change because that person is acting their life shortages out. What they did not get or what they are still fucking mad about is still reeling in their head. Their anger about their mommy penis envy stuff is still alive and well and nothing we do will change it or heal it. In fact most times people don't change and better yet you cannot change them. My own recommendation to others is that you saw the writing on the wall when you met so you should have said NO to it then. Unfortuntately we don't say NO. We go along with it and we don't set boundaries. We say YES when we just want the person to please change next time if there is a next time. People don't change much with the exception of those who will admit that they need to transform and that the person they allege to love might have a point as a person looking from the outside in. If you think your partner, friend, lover, spouse or significant other is going to have an epiphany, let it the hell go. I for one could not even get my soon to be X to put on a pair of nice dress pants in merino wool or allow me to iron his shirt because in reality it was so terribly in need of it. In fact the one thing I'll never forget was that his mother said to me about his manner of presenting himself: "Can't you do something about it?" I can only say that I wanted to laugh in her face because in reality she was the very cause of his resistanc to all things beautiful like a nice pair of shoes or a pretty flower. People only change on their own and cannot be forced to change even if we think they should at least smell better. If you are in a relationship and trying to change him or her I wish you the very best. I will end this by saying "It is not possible".
I would be the first to say that I wished with all my heart for this to be true after one divorce and one pending. I would be the first to say that I thought marriage was forever. In fact I thought this so much that I got married twice. In both cases it did not last forever and the facts are that most don't, like about fifty percent of them. To believe this myth is crazy thinking when one knows that factually marriages break up all the time, minute by minute, all the time, year in and year out. Believing this myth keeps us in relationships that are not good for us and in fact I can vouch for that. Without telling my story I know first hand the disappointment one feels when a marriage ends and one goes into it with the forever myth.
5. People Change: This is my favorite myth. We think even after we have seen the writing on the wall that the person is going to change or worse yet that we will change him or her. We can make that person more social, dress more presentable, act nice or even clean their bodies better. We can get this man we like or love to not place his dirty undies on the beautiful pony hair chairs if we tell him not to do it. The reality is that they do it again and again and the behavior doesn't change because that person is acting their life shortages out. What they did not get or what they are still fucking mad about is still reeling in their head. Their anger about their mommy penis envy stuff is still alive and well and nothing we do will change it or heal it. In fact most times people don't change and better yet you cannot change them. My own recommendation to others is that you saw the writing on the wall when you met so you should have said NO to it then. Unfortuntately we don't say NO. We go along with it and we don't set boundaries. We say YES when we just want the person to please change next time if there is a next time. People don't change much with the exception of those who will admit that they need to transform and that the person they allege to love might have a point as a person looking from the outside in. If you think your partner, friend, lover, spouse or significant other is going to have an epiphany, let it the hell go. I for one could not even get my soon to be X to put on a pair of nice dress pants in merino wool or allow me to iron his shirt because in reality it was so terribly in need of it. In fact the one thing I'll never forget was that his mother said to me about his manner of presenting himself: "Can't you do something about it?" I can only say that I wanted to laugh in her face because in reality she was the very cause of his resistanc to all things beautiful like a nice pair of shoes or a pretty flower. People only change on their own and cannot be forced to change even if we think they should at least smell better. If you are in a relationship and trying to change him or her I wish you the very best. I will end this by saying "It is not possible".
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